A few years ago, I was in Kroger looking for Father’s Day cards for family and friends. As I was picking out the ones that caught my eye, I spotted a couple that did in particular. But not in a good way… There were two distinct cards that were Father’s Day cards addressed to single mothers! To my knowledge, Mahogany Cards is the only company that makes such cards and they cater primarily to the Black American community. So I paused for a moment and picked one of them up just to get a closer look. At that moment, all I could do was shake my head in disbelief. Well, now I’m kicking myself for not buying one of them just to have as an example of how God’s plan for family is surely being eroded before our very eyes. We have been deceived into believing that issues like gay marriage are the primary cause for this, but we have been bamboozled. The family structure is completely out of order! Since when did a woman gain the ability to teach a boy how to become a man? Since when did she gain some supernatural ability to become a “father” to her children? Did I miss this cosmic event? The last time I checked man and woman were created with innate abilities to be father and mother. Only a MAN can give the masculine affirmation of a father that is needed by all children. Only a WOMAN can mother a child and nurture it. A woman might be able to use her intellect and knowledge of the Word to raise a son, but that void of affirmation can ONLY be filled by his father. Obviously, the ultimate affirmation can only come from the Heavenly Father. But none of this can ever come from the mother. The same rule goes for a daughter, as she can only be truly affirmed in her femininity by her mother, no matter how much of a Daddy’s girl she might be. A man cannot teach his daughter how to be a woman from a feminine perspective. It’s just not God’s design.
Please know that I have the utmost respect for single mothers. I have lady friends who are single mothers and I try to be a blessing to them in any way that I can. I’m aware of the pressures they face and the sweat and toil that they endure trying to raise kids on their own. They run their own households and often work more than one job to make ends meet. However, this does not give them the title of “Father.” I have heard that saying for a long time that “single mothers have to be the mother and father.” This is a LIE from the enemy! We have allowed this kind of language for so long now that we are reaping the fruit of those words. If ever there was another obvious sign concerning the breakdown of the family, well now we have it: Women being honored on Mother’s Day and Father’s Day. You see it is exactly this type of negativity and DISHONOR of men that has contributed to the emasculation of men. There is a DIVINE ORDER that God established that we now seem to reject.
Now I’m going to say something unpopular… A man does not have to be perfect to be respected as a father! He may be doing the wrong things in the natural and he may even be a terrible father. He might be in prison or on drugs, he just might be many things. But does that give us the right to strip him of the title or role of father? According to worldly standards, yes. According to biblical standards, no. You still honor the position. Despite his loyalty to David, Jonathan still honored his father Saul who had been dethroned by God. Whether or not you like your boss, you still respect and honor the position.
A friend pointed out to me that it’s just like our relationship with the Heavenly Father. Now obviously He is perfect in all of His ways, but we often times don’t understand why He allows situations to occur or things to happen to us. But we still honor Him… This same model goes for our natural father. I have a tremendous amount of the respect for the man who was my active father for most of my life, but I’ll be transparent and say that I don’t like the person that my biological father is currently. However, I can honestly say that I’m praying for his salvation and have vowed to not speak ill of him. I will still respect him. After all, the Word says to “honor your father and mother so that it may go well with you.” (Paraphrasing)
Nowadays we joke about “baby mama drama,” but we need to look deeper at what this has caused. We laugh at talk shows that play this stuff up (like Maury Povich) but the family has taken a form very different from what God intended. There’s no point in playing the blame game and talking about how there aren’t any decent or godly men around. You see, that is a part of the problem. There are two sides to every equation, despite what the popular rhetoric might be. There are in fact good and decent men who are purposely being kept away from their children by the mothers of their children. So is it surprising to see so many young women easily giving their bodies to men because they are looking for the affirmation of a father? Is it surprising that so many young men have no vision or purpose? Is it surprising that so many remain “boys” even when they reach adulthood? True enough, even if Daddy wasn’t around, the distorted image of father is being created further when they go buy their mothers cards on Father’s Day. Lord help us! They are being led to believe that their mothers are also fathers to them as well, which couldn’t be further from the truth!
I pray that whoever needs to read this will be convicted and repent. The family cannot be restored until the fathers are restored because they are the God-ordained head. If we decide to respect the men and just pray, watch as God does what only He can do. Engaging in nasty, nonproductive conversations will only yield the bad fruit that we are continuing to see. Trust me, the enemy is rejoicing and having a “demonic wet dream” over the way that the family has been destroyed. Maybe I should send this message to Mahogany Cards? Maybe they’ll gain some wisdom and insight to not make any more of those abominable cards for Father’s Day. What do you think? Who knows? Change starts within each of us individually, so let’s start there. Let us put His plan above our mere emotions and watch Him restore. Blessings to you all.
Nathan Allen Copyright Revision ©2015
August 17, 2011 at 10:11 am
Well said My BROTHER!!! As a Divorced mom (Raising a 20 year son in college) I know all too well the void not having a father in the home can leave! Kudos to tyou for being brave enough to take a righteous stand on a very sensitive topic. I can teach my son many things, but I agree with you I can not teach him to be a man. Strong black woman I am , but MAN I definately am not!
Stay blessed and keep speaking Truth!
August 17, 2011 at 12:11 pm
Earthly parents have a responsbility to point their children back to our original Father, to bringthem up in the fear and the admonition of God. In an “ideal” world, this would be ideal but it is not…it is filled with self-seeking individuals who are so consumed with their own agenda that the Father remains hidden in plain view. It is only in our turning to the Father that we are able to embrace our true identity in God through Jesus Christ. Through our renewed mind that we are able to see as God intended. Is my mind renewed? Do I have the correct perspective of God as my Father? Am I truly in relationship with Him? Or has the conditions that I was borne into temporarily clouded my vision?
From my own experience, I can see the importance of a child knowing its identity for the lack thereof creates a life of searching which is why it is so important for us as parents to teach our children about God, to keep them in remembrance of Him so that those things which He spoke into us before we came into this realm remain clearly visible as we walk out our purpose.
Both parents have this responsibility in different forms and in the absence of either of the two, God is sovereign. I hope that as we look at the dynamics of the family we do not lose sight that this world is speaking its truth which a lie and ask ourselves….am I speaking His as it relates from the Kingdom of God who is the same, yesterday and forever.
There is hope…in God.
August 17, 2011 at 8:22 pm
Great article! everyone has a role to play in life and when people fail to function in their divine role, abuse and chaos is inevitable. My utmost respect to all the single parents both fathers and mothers trying to do the best they know how to raise children. However there is a danger of overcompensating for the lack thereof .
August 18, 2011 at 10:59 am
So on point! In some cultures, being a strong woman has been taken completely out of context as well — to a point in which I’ve heard women say, “I’ve had to be the father and the mother.” While I understand the thinking behind this, I stand with the points made in this article… WE CAN NEVER take the role of a Father the way the Word of God established it. This is yet another example of how family relationships are grossly skewed, and how one’s ego can be adjusted to believe in a false reality… perpetuating generational lies. Your presentation here is powerful…
August 20, 2011 at 8:40 am
You have touched on so many subtopics under the root of people creating their own definition of Fatherhood. Some companies that are seeking a profit are willing to distort what they can. We as Christians must be the watchman on the wall and let them know that the card is not acceptable. Ultimately what becomes the norm in society is driven by profit and people speaking up so regardless that it is past Father’s Day I think this blog should be sent to Mahogany along with other emails and letters. I promise you if the cards were a hit there will be more next year so let’s join in and STOP the snowball before it really starts rolling.If we are not pointed back to the Love of the Father then we are lost.
The P.O.E.T. aka The Anointed Pen
June 18, 2015 at 1:27 pm
An excellent post! It’s the pure truth. The cycle of absentee Father’s and Mother’s that hinder the relationship between the Father and their children as well as other issues must be broken. All parties involved must take responsibility and begin restoring what has been broken for years. There is a Fatherless generation in need of healing.