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Category Archives: Spirituality

Trusting God for Friendship

27 Aug

A few months ago I attended a gathering and ran into an old friend of mine. We hadn’t talked or seen each other in at least a year and a half or so. We shared a quick light hug and immediately I realized that this person wasn’t particularly elated to see me. I started a conversation in order to hopefully catch up with this person so we could share what‘s been happening in our lives. Well, let’s just say that I was the one that had to be responsible for keeping the conversation going. This was not a reunion. Then it dawned on me as I kept trying to keep the conversation alive that this person and I were no longer friends. As I drove home that night, I admit that it did sting a bit. A slight heaviness came over me and I reflected on our years in college and just the differences in our personalities and outlooks on life. By the next morning, I was more at peace. I realized that this person and I had simply grown into different people. My mind became a little more at ease as I understood that this person and I maybe didn’t have much in common anymore. Were there unresolved issues? Possibly… Who knows? We can’t read each other’s minds and it is just best to move on. This person and I certainly are not enemies, but this situation is evidence that relationships do change. I can rest and be okay with the fact that this person and I are now mere acquaintances.

A mentor friend at my church always says, “Life is a big bowl of relationships.” I believe he is right to a large degree. Relationships change over time for a variety of different reasons. There are those you just simply outgrow. This is not to suggest that you are better than them, but that people mature spiritually at different rates. Sometimes you and that person may not have anything in common anymore or that their lives become stagnant whiles yours is moving on; or vice versa. Other times, our lives simply go in different directions and the closeness or intimacy you once shared with someone diminishes. These situations can especially hurt when they involve your own family. I know all too well about that one… There are other times where things like physical distance can cause relationships to fizzle out, like a soda that has gone flat.

Sometimes there are expressed and even unspoken offenses in relationships. The nature of human frailty includes situations of jealousy, envy and simply ulterior motives for the “friendship” in the first place. This is why COMMUNICATION is key when it comes to relationships. I know that I have current relationships that have somewhat broken down because of misunderstanding, expressed and unexpressed offenses and lack of communication. When there are unhealed issues, wounds and offenses that have not been resolved, the relationship is likely to break down sooner or later. Unfortunately, it may even result in a blow-up or falling out. I’m sure we have all heard the saying that “Hurt people hurt others.” Well, I believe this plays out all the time in relationships. Just like a wound that goes untreated and develops an infection that can spread around the whole body, a relationship can become permanently broken due to festering situations and wounds.

I believe that friendship is an area of our lives where we don’t always allow Father God to be in control. (This is actually the main point of this post) Let’s face it; relying upon Him to choose our friends and place people in our lives isn’t exactly easy. He will not place people that you necessary deem to be pleasant or likeable in your path. He will not always link you up with people who are cool or even those that you might seem to have some things in common. He will likely link you up with folks to help shape your character. This includes individuals with whom your personality clashes. This also includes people who will hurt you.

Proverbs 27:6 Faithful are the wounds of a friend, But the kisses of an enemy are deceitful. (NKJV)

We must remember that this is a journey that we are walking and if He is lord over our lives, He should get place whomever in your world He feels is necessary for your spiritual growth. He will place the people you NEED in your life; not always those you necessarily want. I’m learning that I have to be open to allowing God to place people in my life whom in the natural, I may never have formed a connection. I am learning to yield to Him so that my horizons can be broadened a bit. How many times have I or you ended relationships without God’s permission? Or how many times have we formed relationships with people when God was raising red flags for us to run the other direction? Hmmmm…. Ponder that.

Our connections with people are not just for our benefit, but for theirs as well. Every relationship is supposed to have a purpose.

friendship

So with that being said, we have to brace ourselves when God sometimes breaks up our relationships. He does this for a variety of reasons, such as codependency, lust, jealousy, distractions, causing brethren to stumble, etc. Heck, the Bible does say also that He is a jealous God. No man should come before Him, so don’t be surprised if He intervenes and causes a “sabbatical” from a relationship, or severs it altogether. If our affections for our friends exceed those towards Him, sometimes He will take some drastic measures to divert our attention back on to Himself. I have also come to realize that God is always protecting us. I think about the numerous times over the years where I would meet someone and we would seem to hit it off great in terms of fellowshipping. But for some reason, the connection would get lost almost immediately and somehow we could never get our schedules aligned or even talk over the phone much. These situations would get me down sometimes. However, in recent years, the Holy Spirit has shown me that in many of these situations, God was protecting me from that person, and vice versa… I also had to swallow my pride and admit that my neediness often caused me to cling to people and not go to Him in my times of need. Everything that appears good isn’t, especially if He is not a part of it…

So this is why we must trust God with our relationships. Wrong relationships will steer us off course from our destiny and take away our attention off of the Father. Wrong relationships will cause us walk in flesh and not the spirit. Right relationships will help form our character. Right relationships should draw us closer to Him. Let’s trust the Father and allow Him to pick and choose our relationships.

Nathan Allen Copyright ©2013

 
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Posted by on August 27, 2013 in acceptance, friendship, identity, Spirituality, true self

 

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A New Journey

19 Aug

I have not felt this peaceful in years, if not ever… Rest has been a totally foreign concept for the past thirteen years. I can finally BREATHE… Inhale. Exhale. Thoughts are no longer bouncing off the sides of my head forming a kaleidoscope in my mind. They are gradually slowing down as if I am approaching a traffic light as it turns from yellow to red. Waking up each day has been like eating some exquisite dessert. Life has slowed down to a breath of fresh air. It feels like hope is being revived. Dreams are coming back into view because my vision had become blurry. Joy seems to be bubbling up inside of me and a well spring will come forth, whether it is through my smile, my pen, an embrace, laughter or just the serenity that is beginning to encapsulate my aura. This feels really amazing and I wonder why I didn’t make this decision sooner. Now infinite possibilities lay before me like an open landscape. A pathway lined with all sorts of precious stones that has been illuminated like some “yellow brick road” goes through this landscape and I have taken the first step on to it. It leads to a place called “Wholeness.” Glimpses of this place appear in my imagination, only they seem real. Forgiveness soaks the ground like morning dew giving life. As I walk to water’s edge, I see that there is another place even more magnificent than this one. However, to get to it I must walk on water across the crystal sea. This is exciting, yet alarming at the same time.

lake view

I imagine myself lying in a hammock tied to a couple of fruit trees just passing the day away at it gently sways from side to side. Maybe this is a picture of His rest. The way that He has always meant for us to live, despite whatever circumstances are before us. My face looks calmer than I can ever remember. Even my facial features seem to have a glow that paints my countenance a beautiful shade of new beginnings. The bags that had begun to form under my eyes are already fading away, as if they were intruders. Scales that fell from my eyes litter the ground beneath me and a renewed perspective comes into view. It tells me that it is okay to start over. It is okay to be what the world calls a “late bloomer.” Because this soul flower will be one of great radiance and will be one that has never been seen!

I am a magnificent eagle of a rare breed that has just been freed from captivity. It is one that resulted from my own decisions, but now this bird has been given another chance. My Lord, look at my wings glide through the air, reflecting the light of the sun! Soaring to new heights! Soaring into new territory and foreign lands! Gliding into panoramic views that show truths that the former false self could not see…

eagle

All of this now awaits me. Former things have passed away. It is a new day, a new chapter, a new season. Time for my decisions to be soaked in an oil called finality. This is a glorious opportunity to become a clean vessel that will be used for His glory. A chance to know what it means to live as a son of God and an heir of Christ. This new season is a tangible form of mercy, inspiring me to put on hinds feet and climb to high places. An assurance that He has a marvelous destiny in store for me. A chance to just be…

Nathan Allen Copyright ©2013

 
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Posted by on August 19, 2013 in Spirituality

 

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They Want to be Worshipped

28 May

II Timothy 3:1-3 But know this, that in the last days perilous times will come: 2 For men will be lovers of themselves, lovers of money, boasters, proud, blasphemers, disobedient to parents, unthankful, unholy, 3 unloving, unforgiving, slanderers, without self-control, brutal, despisers of good, (NKJV)

The words I highlighted in this scripture are some of the very reasons why pure ministry hardly ever takes place in this country. The spirit of Hollywood has infected the modern day church and it is playing out in ways that appear to make a total mockery of anyone who professes to follow Jesus Christ.

So what am I talking about specifically? Well, we now have four reality shows that involve “Christians.” One involves a popular gospel duo and another new show now involves a family of gospel artists. I know that many folks think this is a good thing for Christianity and see this as a positive. But aren’t those of us who follow Christ supposed to be about advancing the Kingdom? Well, sadly neither of these shows reflects that in any kind of way. The gospel duo’s show seems to only reflect materialism, drama and lives that are ultimately self-centered. The other gospel family show is very comparable. Why do we need to see “celebrity gospel artists” parade around in expensive designer clothes just like the “A-listers” in the world? Their “acts of service” appear to be limited to that of showing up and profiling at charity events, and while they might donate some money; do we really believe that this is the work of pure ministry? All they do is show up to gospel music events and perform. What one would see on these shows is only a step or two above the FOOLISHNESS present on such shows as “Real Housewives of Atlanta,” “Love and Hip Hop,” and “Braxton Family Values.” So many gospel artists and ministries nowadays appear to clamor for attention and notoriety, while they are supposed to be sharing the good news. The spirit of Hollywood is seducing the body of Christ and taking people’s eyes off of the Father.

The other two reality shows don’t involve gospel artists, but supposedly take place in the “Christian community.” One show is about preachers’ daughters and their struggle to stay pure and holy. Sadly, this is nothing but another means for nonbelievers to continue mocking and scoffing at the faith. There is already a belief in the world that says that preacher’s kids are rebellious and wilder than other kids. Come on folks! We’re supposed to be set apart! What was the motive for these pastors to actually air their family business on TV? I think we all know the answer. $$Money$$. The other show is called “The Sisterhood” and it is about preacher’s wives. As I expected, it amounts to nothing more than a slightly cleaner version of “Basketball Wives.” The women on this show don’t model the character of the Proverbs 31 woman by any stretch of the imagination. Trust me, these ladies care more about getting their hair and nails done than ministering to the lost and broken.

I shutter at the possibility of future Christian reality shows that will continue to make a mockery of what is supposed to represent the TRUTH. So in mentioning these shows along with some other examples I will give, it all boils down to this one truth: THEY WANT TO BE WORSHIPPED.

That may sound a bit extreme to some of you, but I believe that is the truth that resides in the recesses of the hearts of many in the body of Christ. People need to be validated and need to be reassured of who they are because too many of us are not operating as true heirs of Christ. Our identity isn’t grounded enough in Him, which is why so many in the worship arts and ministry seem to seek notoriety. There is so much competition in the modern day church culture, it is no wonder that ministries don’t work together. Have you ever noticed how it seems like most of the major ministers always have their face on the front cover of most or all of the books they’ve written? Why is that? I believe it is because they unknowingly or even unconsciously become too big in their own eyes. There is just too much self-importance.

I also believe that it is becoming rare to experience pure ministry that would cause one to fall to the floor in true repentance. Where are the psalmists who can manifest anointing that brings visitations from the Lord? Where is the poet whom can speak words that tear into the core of your heart and bring that conviction that leads to change? Where are the ministers who actually can lay hands on someone and they be healed or delivered? These types of experiences won’t take place when there are impure motives behind the “ministry.” These manifestations will never occur when vessels are affirmed by being the center of attention. They will only occur when we desire that He and He alone is worshipped, not us. Becoming invisible and decreasing that He may increase is the only way we will see His glory.

Father I pray right now that You would purge the spirit of Hollywood that might be residing in the hidden areas of our hearts. Create is us a clean heart and renew a right spirit within us. May the blood of Jesus kill any desires within us to be worshipped and admired. May we learn to embrace humility and operate with pure motives. May we desire that You alone be glorified and that Your Kingdom be manifested in the earth. Help us to keep our hearts and minds on things that are eternal and not temporal. Prepare us for these last days so we are not distracted by the temptations of the world. May we be set apart for Your glory. Amen.

Nathan Allen Copyright© 2013

 
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Posted by on May 28, 2013 in Spirituality

 

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Embracing the True Self

10 Apr

I remember getting standing ovations in church as a young child on Easter Sundays because I would recite these speeches that were probably 3-4 times longer than the ones the other kids did. I remember winning writing contests year after year in my school and progressing very fast when I started taking piano lessons as a nine year old. A little boy with a colorful, vivid imagination who saw the world through his own set of unique, candy-coated glasses. But it wasn’t long before this artistic, creative side of me began to slowly fade into a hidden place…

I wanted to be like the other boys around me because early childhood experiences told me that I was too “different.” The enemy of my soul began to taunt me from an early age through the words and actions of others against me. I began to believe the LIE that I was a “sissy” and just for some reason didn’t quite have that “it” quality that the other little boys seemed to possess. I played video games, played with Legos and rode by BMX bike, but something was still “wrong.” Something was “off,” or so I made to believe. The pain of not being accepted by my peers was too much to bear so I had to do something about it! And so this began the formulation of my false self. This is really no different than what probably most other people experience, we just have different scripts. Our false selves are a defense mechanism to the lies we believe and the sins that are committed against us.

 

If I could go back in time, I would never have exchanged piano lessons for soccer, basketball and track and field. I would have at least stuck with the piano and even singing, but I had to play sports because that was what all of the normal boys did. I wasn’t blessed with the natural strength and physique of the other boys, but I could run fast! This became my way of being their “equal.” They couldn’t always make fun of me anymore because I was outshining them. I would get a rush whenever I would supposedly prove my “boyhood.” I would get the same rush when I would receive praise from my family for my doing well with academics, and while getting an education is obviously important, in my case it was more about ego and performance. The deep wounding that I had received in my childhood told me that achievement was synonymous with acceptance. Everything in life then became a competition to me and the enemy of my soul now had free reign to wreak havoc in my psyche.

James 3:14-16 But if you have bitter envy and self-seeking in your hearts, do not boast and lie against the truth. 15 This wisdom does not descend from above, but is earthly, sensual, demonic. 16 For where envy and self-seeking exist, confusion and every evil thing are there. (NKJV)

Fast forward into my teen years, the false self continued to play out in various forms. I had a very FRAGILE ego and was overly-driven. If I didn’t accomplish something or if someone out performed me in some way, my heart perceived this as rejection. I know many of you probably have some idea of what this is like. And so my artistic side would show up in different ways once in a great blue moon, but it still remained suppressed because of my need for acceptance and attention. My idolatry of sports had already become a major stronghold (with the help of ESPN and media hype), but I’m grateful that I grew up in a home with music ministers as parents. I still loved music, but even that became corrupted. My peers were listening to stuff like gangster rap that was littered with violence, sex and drugs, and so I had to follow suit so I could be more socially acceptable. At this time I was supposedly becoming “blacker” because I had been told so many times since I was a little boy that I acted “white.” So I quickly became influenced through BET (Black Entertainment TV), movies and what was considered to be “black culture.” This was just more of the false self being magnified. Fortunately, my mother kind of made me sing in the youth choir at church, so I didn’t completely lose my musical ability. Are you now beginning to see the COST of not embracing the true self?

Meanwhile, my true self was locked away in a prison of self-hatred. My false self ruled with an iron clad and only got worse during high school as I became a state finalist in track and field, three out of four years. Pride and ego took center stage, but soon life would start to play out against my hopes and dreams. The very things that fueled the false self seemed to have been taken almost overnight. I guess God had had enough… But I began to display many other destructive qualities as I entered college. My sense of self worth plummeted to all time lows, and I became the perfect punching bag for the enemy of my soul. The slightest word said in the wrong way could throw me into an emotional tailspin. College life was MISERABLE, for the most part. My false self eventually steered my life down a dark path and it would take years to begin repairing the damage. It’s sad how the enemy can derail us with his lies. Some never leave the path of destruction that was set up by the false self, and I thought I never would.

But God…

As I started my true journey with the Lord some years ago, the true self began to slowly emerge. His Word began to bathe me, methodically washing away the lies my heart had internalized over the years. Through the love of others, God began His surgery on me. He started to remove the cancer of self hatred and other vices that made me believe that even He hated me for all of those years. My ears began to hear His voice for the very first time as He whispered. His love began to peel away the layers to reveal the man that He imagined before time even existed. My artistic side began to bloom brightly like a field of sunflowers. My true self can begin to kill ego and reject performance, and can learn to forgive those who inflicted the deep wounds I suffered in my childhood. My true self can learn to not be so easily offended. I can choose to walk in the light, just like the brightness that hits after exiting a railroad tunnel.

I don’t like the phrase “work in progress” because I believe it gets misused. However, I will say that my true self is still emerging as I learn to get out of my own way. I’m embracing my God-given uniqueness. My true self has a marvelous destiny that awaits him. My true self is no longer afraid to take risks. Courage is being poured over my spirit man as I am beginning to recognize what it means to truly live. My true self is learning to bow down to the reality that the Heavenly Father knows me infinitely more than I know myself. I have imperfections and have to bear my cross just like the savior did. I have to be willing to embrace the narrow path the lord has laid out for me in order to find the life that I was always mean to live while on this earth. Each day that we awake, we must make the decision to keep the false self locked away until he is finally no more… My true self shall prevail. And so can yours, if you will allow it.

Philippians 3:12-14 Not that I have already attained, or am already perfected; but I press on, that I may lay hold of that for which Christ Jesus has also laid hold of me. 13 Brethren, I do not count myself to have apprehended; but one thing I do, forgetting those things which are behind and reaching forward to those things which are ahead, 14 I press toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus.(NKJV)

Nathan Allen Copyright© 2013

 
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Posted by on April 10, 2013 in acceptance, identity, Spirituality, true self

 

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The Legacy that Matters Most

30 Jan

I remember watching him stand in front of the church and lead the other deacons in the morning devotion. He would sing songs that probably dated back before my mother was even born. I was in elementary school at the time. However, not too long ago, I got the privilege of standing up with the deacons on Sunday morning in my grandparent’s church because I was asked to read the opening scripture. Let’s just say that was straight comedy! I had on my suit and I was probably at least thirty or forty years younger than the other deacons I stood with. I didn’t know the words to the songs… My family sat out in the congregation and tried to hide their laughter. But despite the hilarity of that situation, my granduncle’s way of doing devotion was completely AUTHENTIC. It was the kind of devotion that caused him to hardly ever miss a church service on Sunday mornings and to always be dressed to a tee every time he entered the sanctuary. The kind of devotion that caused him to love on others when it hurt and when that love wasn’t returned to him. It was the kind of devotion that allowed Jesus to TRULY be LORD over his life. So during devotion when he would belt out those strong minor chord notes, and even at times when I couldn’t understand his words; I knew it came from a heart of pure devotion.

My granduncle Unis Allen entered into eternal glory January 5th of this year. I wasn’t able to attend the funeral, but all I heard was that everyone talked about how much he loved Jesus Christ. Even with my limited contact with him in my adult years, one thing I know is that holiness was a big deal to him. He modeled a godly life in front of everyone who was around him and he treated everybody with the utmost respect. Truly, an ideal model of what it means to be a gentleman. Every time that I have ever hugged him, it always felt fatherly. Along with the firm hug, I could always smell his cologne and would notice the jovial smile that seemed to be almost permanently etched across his face. But aside from all of this, the thing that I will remember about him the most is simply the life he lived.

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(Unis Allen on the right and my grandfather Benjamin Allen on the left)

Uncle Unis (or UA) was a deacon at Morningstar Baptist Church probably longer than I’ve been alive. He also sang in an all-male singing group called “The Golden Gospelaires.” I wonder if he is now donning one of his suits up in the heavenlies and singing some new version of the devotionals he used to do in church, only now before the very throne of God. I can imagine that he is overwhelmed by the outer-world, eternal reality in which he now resides. The secret or dormant pain he concealed as he chose to not grow weary in well doing during his time on the earth; has now been replaced with a completely tangible experience of the love and mercy of the Father. His faith has rewarded him well, and I imagine that his mansion up there is probably off da chain! (smile)

So even though my granduncle has departed from this life, he left an indelible imprint behind. An imprint that spells the letters L-O-V-E. An imprint that will always make me smile whenever he crosses my mind. An imprint that is actually a blueprint for obtaining everlasting life. I hope and pray that my family will honor his legacy by becoming true followers of Christ. Not simply “cultural Christians” who show up in church on Sundays and maybe some Wednesdays. We can honor his legacy by not living lives that are full of compromise, and be doers and not just hearers of the Word. Proverbs 13:22 states “A good man leaves an inheritance to his children’s children, But the wealth of the sinner is stored up for the righteous.” While my Uncle Unis may not have left some large fortune, he left the legacy that matters the most: Exemplifying and extending the love of Jesus Christ to all of those around him. That is the best inheritance that anyone can leave behind. May our next generation do the same for the future generations to come.

 
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Posted by on January 30, 2013 in Spirituality

 

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